How to Install StabilitrakⓇ For Your Marriage
Do you ever find yourself careening out of control in your marriage? Lashing out at your husband in times of stress? Do you ever shut yourself in the bathroom and slide down to the floor in tears? I often find myself in this situation wishing I could go back in time and get control of my emotions without leaving my family in the wake of them. Then I found Wife for Life: The Power to Succeed in Marriage by Ramona Zabriskie. I found a system to control my emotions and avoid from skidding out of control.
As I pulled out of work a year ago my truck slowed to a crawl and an unprocessable number of error lights started flashing on my dashboard. I tried to pull out of the way of traffic, simultaneously process all the information I was being given, and call my husband for help. The dashboard was saying “Stabilitrak® engaged, power cut to engine.”
Stabilitrak® is a really handy system created by GM that assists your vehicle when you’re out of control. It’s most often engaged when you’re skidding on ice or snow. The vehicle senses this loss of control and makes automatic adjustments to your engine torque and brake control to help keep you on track or assist getting you back on track. There was some malfunction in the system since I wasn’t actually skidding on ice or off track at all.
As I tried to explain what was going on in the truck to my husband and maneuver at 2 miles/hour in heavy traffic to the nearest parking lot my “crazy lady” emerged. I just wanted my husband to swoop in and help save the day but instead I was getting 50 questions. I got overwhelmed and yelled, “Just come get me!”
After I got parked in the lot and the truck turned off I immediately felt bad for my lashing out. My internal Stabilitrak® didn’t engage, in fact it didn’t really exist. I had been moving through life skidding over one patch of ice, bouncing off a guardrail, and speeding off to the next pile of snow that would cause me to lose control. I said what I thought, when I thought it and didn’t care how bad it stung my husband when it came flying out of my mouth.
Wife for Life University has helped me to calibrate my marriage Stabilitrak®. I’ve learned techniques to avoid and manage conflict and self-care tactics as well. I’ve also learned to recognize and tame my “crazy ladies”. Looking back on that sunny, snowless day I can see clearly where I let myself go astray.
My fear of interdependence came raging out in that moment as I tried to steer off the highway. I wasn’t in control of the situation and didn’t know how to rectify it on my own. I needed my husband, but I didn’t call him. The “crazy lady” that comes out when my fear of interdependence is present called him. “Stupidia” got frustrated that he didn’t immediately jump in the car and rescue me so she talked down to him, treated him like he was an idiot for not knowing what I needed, and then barked orders at him.
He was just trying to understand the issues with the truck and ask questions to help him diagnose the problem. He’s information based and driven to solve problems. Not to mention he was probably concerned for my well-being and since his life goal is to make me happy he was working to understand so he could help.
What I should have done was “drop and cover” or in other words, take a minute to assess the situation. I could have resorted to empathy, affection, accountability, or humor.
I could have thought, “it must be hard for him to not be right here with me to help.”
I could have said, “I love you so much and I am so glad that I can call you for help.”
I could have thought, “my stress is causing me to be unreasonable and mean.”
I could have said, “your wifey is stranded and needs saving please come rescue me!”
They say hindsight is 20/20 but Wife for Life University is helping me have the foresight to prevent conflict and respond to situations instead of just reacting. It’s calibrating and installing my inner Stabilitrak®. Read the book, enroll in the courses, or subscribe to the blog. Find your inner Stabilitrak® and start improving your marriage.
